I want my money back (and don’t forget to give me back my black T-shirt) October 24, 2007

We’re nearing the end of this three month experiment, and it’s turned out to be significantly different than my expectations. As I said in the beginning, I’ve had a bit of experience with online dating. While this is the first time I’ve actually paid for a service, I’ve been on several Internet dates in the past.

 

But here we are, three months in, and I still haven’t been on an eHarmony date. I didn’t expect to meet my husband in this three month period (I scare easily and move slowly, but that’s another story). Still, I’m really surprised at how ineffective eHarmony has proven to be.

 

OK, it’s not completely their fault. I was seeing someone “in real life” for about a month, so my matches weren’t a high priority. And I know my 30 mile search radius is a factor. I even tinkered with my settings at one point and received a handful of matches in the 60 mile range. Plus, I’m just picky. Being able to select the traits I want in a man only amplifies that.

 

Or maybe I’m just not so compatible with the men in the site’s database. Who knows?

 

Over a recent lunch a friend and I discussed my unsuccessful time on the site. She registered years ago and didn’t find much use for it, she said. But now that she’s a bit older and a bit more serious about what she wants from a relationship, it’s proven to be a better fit.

 

That’s not to say I’m not serious. I’m just… young. I know I want to get married someday, but as I told a friend last week, “I might be ready for a boyfriend, maybe, if I could give someone a chance for long enough, without freaking myself out—if that’s possible.”

 

In other words, I need time. Evidently, so does eHarmony. But with it, time literally is money—and they’ve seen enough of mine.

Speak! October 16, 2007

I hate it when a guy chooses “other” as his reason to close communication.  There’s a list of 15-20 different options to select that are pretty all encompassing.  “Other” seems like a lame way of saying “you’re ugly in those pictures” or “I’m just too lazy to pick the real reason why I’m closing you.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining about being closed.  I’m actually usually pretty relieved when I open my account to find that a few guys have closed me because goodness knows I have more matches than I can handle.  That’s just a few less profiles I have to read and make decisions about.  But seriously?  We don’t need one more way to encourage passivity in this generation.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match September 7, 2007

As we drove to Tuscaloosa for a friend’s birthday party last night, my friend Murray and I talked about one thing almost exclusively: Boys. The ones we date, the ones we don’t, the ones we wish we were. Y’know, the usual.

 Maybe that’s life as single 20somethings, and we’ve always got stories to tell.

But a month into this eHarmony venture, I don’t have much to report. I’ve communicated with a few guys, but nothing that merits a “dear diary” moment. Instead I’ve taken to discussing the differences between my experiences and those of my friends.

I can’t keep up with the number of matches Megan has received, but last I heard it was well over 100. Another friend had been paired with about 60 guys when we last spoke. I counted today: I’ve been paired with 20 in a month, and 16 of those are already closed for one reason or another.

I’m not sure what accounts for the differences. Megan is open to meeting men from anywhere in the country; my search is limited to men within 30 miles of my home (and I think that’s too far!). Surely that counts for something, but my other friend’s geographical limitations are the same as mine. However, the city she lives in is home to about 10 times more people than my town.

I guess there could be a number of factors at work here. But the lack of matches doesn’t bother me… for reasons I’ll get into later, I actually prefer it this way right now…

It feels like spam, Dr. Neil style August 21, 2007

I have 97 matches right now.

OVERWHELMING.

It’s foreign on this side August 15, 2007

Okay, so I admit I’m a dating amatuer.  It’s kind of lame, but there we have it.  When it comes to all these endless matches filling up my eH inbox, I just don’t know what to do with them all.

Do I initiate action?  (so against “real life” dating philosophy that’s been drilled into me for years)

Do I wait for some guy to want to communicate with me? (which has worked stellar-y for years now)

Seriously, how does this work?  How soon do I close a match?  How much leeway to I give for a crappy profile (none if they’ve answered all the questions like they were writing a text message, very little if A Purpose Driven Life is listed as their favorite book)?  How much do I chalk up to different personalities, not knowing if it’s a deal breaker or not (the guy who had no ifs, ands or buts about never using birth control ever…  he was a deal breaker).

 A friend of mine challenged me to initiate communication with 3 guys, and I’ve done that and with a couple more too.  One hard thing about this, I’ve realized, is that you don’t know who has actually signed up for eH and who has only filled out the personality profile for free in moments of boredom (like I first did a year ago).  You’re matched with both and can’t differentiate between the two.  Are guys not responding because they’re not actually a member of eH?  Because they’re not interested?  Because they’re on vacation, or too busy, as I have been?  It’s a weird dynamic.  Not that I’m freaking out or waiting with baited breath or anything, I just don’t know how to proceed.

I am in communication with this guy Adam now.  He’s a couple years younger than me, which is fine, and from SC (I live in FL).  I’m not sure how interested I am, but we’ll see.

The anti-BC guy wanted to start communication too, but I didn’t want to get some guys hopes up when there was no way that if this actually miraculously worked out, that I was going to be one of those girls who gets pregnant on her honeymoon.  ::shudder::  Best to close that down now.

Oh, I did change my picture settings to not show it until the 1st questions are exchanged.  FYI.

I have no fear of drowning (it’s the breathing that’s taking all this work) August 15, 2007

So far, I’ve been pretty overwhelmed by this eHarmony experience.  I haven’t had much time to spend sorting through all my matches lately so they’ve been piling up.  Everytime I open my email inbox, I have at least one (if not 2 or 3) sets of emails from eHarmony saying that they’ve got 7 new matches for more.  Luckily(?), by the time I see that and end up signing in, several have closed the match.  Never did I imagine I’d be so pumped about closed matches.  Right now I have 66 matches to sort through, but it’s still early in the day.  It makes me tired just looking at it.

Unlike Carla, my picture is readily available on the site, though I may change that for the reason she listed – I might know others on the site in “real life.”  I don’t know what it is that is so off-putting to me that others may know that I’m doing this, but at present time only 4 of my friends know I’m doing this, Carla included.  I haven’t even told a couple of my very best friends yet.  I was matched with a guy on here who I’m pretty sure I know and work with, which would be a major reason I may change my picture settings.  The last thing I need is everyone I know at work (not that small of a place, but the kind of place where you live your life in a fishbowl) to know about this and to be asking about it.

This is a pretty jumbled post.  Hopefully the next will be more coherant.

P.S. I just stumbled upon this on Google:  “Internet Dating: The Musical” – hilarious!

There’s more to me than what you see August 12, 2007

I’ve been on eharmony for nearly two weeks now. I’ve been “matched” with several men, have closed several matches and have moved through the phases into “open communication” with two. But my favorite stories (so far) relate to my photos.

Of course pictures are the first thing I see when I receive a new match–followed quickly by age, faith and how often he drinks. I often don’t read the rest of his profile for days. I’m just not in a rush.

 However, I have my photos set such that I show them to matches when I decide I’m ready. Mostly that’s because I know I could be paired with people I actually know–or worse, that I’ve already been out with. (Think I’m crazy? It happened on day one.)

So last week I had a match–who had not even initiated contact!–close the connection because he couldn’t see my photos. That cracked me up. (And frankly, I wasn’t interested in him.)

 But it gets better. A few days ago, a guy asked to see my photos, so I let him. The next time I logged on, he had closed the match!

No wonder women are so paranoid about our appearances. Good thing I’m cuter than him, anyway. Otherwise I might be offended.